Our emotions are completely subjective experiences, influenced by how we might perceive and interpret things around us. ...And subsequently react to them. It cannot be understated that:
What you feel is always your truth.
Whatever your feeling is never wrong,
it is your own personal experience of something.
However ... Often people will say "It/he/she made me feel ..." without realising just how disempowering this is. By paying attention to the language you use, you have an opportunity to foster a different experience entirely.
To emotionally express ourselves, it is much more empowering to say "I feel" or "I felt", e.g. "I felt really angry when you said that" rather than "You make me really angry". It's also a good idea to think in these terms too.
Possibly, this may seem extremely pedantic, yet here are some very good reasons why:
Taking Responsibility
It really comes down to ownership of how you feel. Statements such as "That made me feel" may imply that external events or people directly control or dictate your experience. "I felt" statements, on the other hand, focus on your own emotional experience. This highlights your internal response and separates it from what is going on around you.
For example, if you are able to change your perspective and how you think about something, you are likely to change how you feel about it too. This is often the case when we have had time to reflect. And this is good news, this tells us we have some control over how we might feel. However, if you have already decided something else 'made' you feel something, you are losing that possibility.
Better Communication
By taking ownership of your emotions (and therefore some control of them), you can communicate better. In this way, your are not attributing your feelings to something external from you. Why blame or give your power away to something or somebody else?
An "I felt" expression of emotion, without accusing or blaming others, encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. As soon as you say 'You made me feel', you are blaming somebody for your own internal process. Metaphorically, you are pointing the finger, which could give rise to others becoming defensive, for example.
Self-Awareness & Empowerment
Using "I felt" statements will promote an exploration of the 'self', helping you to identify just what it is your feeling, and hopefully better your self-awareness. By reflecting on your internal experience in this way, it may help you understand any emotional triggers, and promotes taking responsibility for your emotional well-being. This self-awareness is excellent for personal growth and effective communication.
Different Perspectives
"I felt" statements are an acknowledgement that different people can have different emotional responses to the same situation. And that this is perfectly ok: we are not all the same. When you give focus to your personal experience, rather than assigning blame to something external (he / she / it / that), it affords a more open dialogue between you and others about that experience.
The goal is here is to communicate effectively, promote your emotional awareness, and take responsibility for what you feel. This will always help foster healthier relationships and self-growth.
Still not convinced? Catch yourself assigning responsibility to something or somebody for what you feel, and own it instead. See what difference it makes over time, you may be surprised.
http://www.lifeperspective.co.uk/