How do you consider your role in the relationships you have? Are you in any negative relationship patterns that you cannot seem to escape ? Have you ever considered yourself to be a victim, persecutor or rescuer? Sound familiar? Read on.
The idea of Drama Triangles was put forward by Stephen Karpman as far back in 1960s. It is a model of dysfunctional patterns, which may reveal themselves in relationships, crucially when three parties are involved. For example, perhaps this could be: you, your partner, your mother-in-law, or you, your co-worker and your boss.
The model shows three roles, one at each point of a triangle:
The Victim
The Persecutor
The Rescuer
The aim of the model is to encourage better communication and healthier relationships. We can do this by recognising when we may be in a Drama Triangle which are, in short, toxic. With this awareness, we can attempt to break free from them, which can done by developing our assertiveness, setting boundaries, and taking personal responsibility.
Have a read of each of the roles and see what comes up for you. Where do you think your default position might be in such a triangle?
The Victim Role
In the relationship triangle, this is the stance a person takes when perceiving themselves as helpless, oppressed, or victimised. Individuals in this stance feel powerless and believe that external circumstances or other people are responsible for their difficulties. Victims tend to seek sympathy, support, and rescue from others. They may portray themselves as helpless, passive, or in need of constant assistance.
The Persecutor Role
The Persecutor is the role a person may take when being aggressive or critical towards the Victim. This is where the Victim is directly or indirectly blamed, criticised, or attacked. Persecutors often adopt a judgmental or controlling attitude, can be opinionated and tend to see themselves as superior. Their belief may be that they are enforcing rules or seeking justice, yet they only ever contribute to the victimisation.
The Rescuer Role
This position in the triangle describes the person who steps in, intervening to attempt to save the Victim. This may include offering unsolicited advice, assistance, or protection. Rescuers often believe they are acting out of compassion and kindness. However, such actions erode the autonomy of the Victim, usually enabling them to remain dependent. This serves to reinforce the Victim's sense of helplessness, which further perpetuates the victimisation and only adds to the drama.
Cycles of Conflict
The drama triangle roles can create dependency and disempowerment within relationships (or even group dynamics), which can play out like this:
Victims may attract or provoke a Persecutor by seeking validation of their victimhood. They may be acting in ways that elicit criticism or aggression.
A Persecutors critical or aggressive behaviour may reinforce a Victim's sense of helplessness, only to attract a Rescuer into the dynamic.
The Rescuer's sense of duty or superiority may lead them to offer assistance to the Victim but may inadvertently reinforce their dependence or victimhood.
It is also important to realise the roles in the triangle are not fixed and we can (unconsciously) shift between the them, e.g. a rescuer may very well become a victim of their rescue attempt !
Example of a Drama Triangle
Here's a hypothetical example of how roles in the Drama Triangle may change in a common family scenario with Sue (mum), Robert (dad), and their teenage daughter Ruth:
Ruth's feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork and extracurricular activities, and she routinely starts expressing her stress and frustrations to her parents, in a Victim role.
Mum Sue responds by taking on the Rescuer role, trying to solve all Ruth's problems. Sue offers to do Ruth's chores to free up her time and then help her with her school projects, thinking that it will alleviate her daughter's stress.
Ruth starts to feel inadequate, less capable of self-achievement and starts to adopt the Persecutor role. This ends up with her criticising both parents for not understanding her and how they put too much pressure on her to achieve at school.
Robert feels attacked by Ruth's criticism, and takes on the Persecutor role himself. He responds with frustration and starts telling Ruth that she's being lazy and ungrateful, they had a bad argument and and Ruth storms out.
Sue now switches from Rescuer to Victim, feeling caught in the middle of the conflict between her husband and her daughter, and becomes overwhelmed with the tension between them.
Later, Ruth sees her mum's distress, so switches a Rescuer, comforting her mum and reassuring her everything will be ok, even though she is still upset with her dad.
Breaking Free from the Drama
This involves promoting a more assertive and empowering communication style. Karpman put forward The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) framework, consisting of three new roles in the triangle:
The Creator
The Coach
The Challenger.
The Creator
Creators understand it's not what life throws at them, it is how they choose to respond to it. Creators focus on what inspires them and use their energy to be solution-focused. This is a positive alternative to the Victim where they take action, even if it's one step at a time.
The Challenger
Challengers are the positive alternative to the Persecutor, who are willing to shake things up and go to the heart of the matter, sometimes referred to as “truth-tellers”. A Challenger consciously builds others up, encouraging them to learn and grow, no matter how difficult the situation seems. Challengers are inspire learning growth, willing to stand for a vision, even when others do not. Rather than criticising or blaming, a Challenger nurtures others to reach for the highest good of all involved.
The Coach
Coaches offer a supportive role, the much more positive alternative to a Rescuer. A Coach supports and holds creators as ultimately resourceful and resilient. Unlike Rescuers, who reinforce powerlessness of those in a Victim role (by taking away their autonomy), a Coach uses the art of inquiry, curiosity, and deep listening to support others in discovering what is best for them. A Coach is not attached to the outcome, they remain supportive and encouraging to what others want to achieve.
Example of The Empowerment Dynamic
In the same family example, the TED (The Empowerment Dynamic) framework can provide a helpful shift from the Drama Triangle's dysfunctional roles to more constructive and empowering ones.
Using the same hypothetical situation from before, with family members: Sue (mum), Robert (dad), and their teenage daughter Ruth:
Instead of Ruth taking on the Victim role and expressing overwhelm, she can shift to the Creator role by acknowledging her challenges and taking responsibility for managing her schoolwork and activities. Ruth can communicate her needs and preferences to her parents without playing the victim.
Mum Sue, instead of being the Rescuer, can adopt the Coach role. As a coach, she supports and encourages Ruth's growth and development by offering guidance and resources when needed, rather than taking over her responsibilities.
If Dad Robert moves from the Persecutor role to the Challenger role, he can express his concerns and expectations in a more supportive and constructive manner. Instead of criticising Ruth, he can challenge her to develop time management skills and work on setting realistic goals.
Ruth, in response to her dad's challenges, can embrace the Challenger role as well. She can stand up for herself, assert her needs, and engage in healthy discussions with her parents about her limits and priorities.
Sue, in her role as Coach, can mediate and facilitate discussions between Ruth and her dad, helping them understand each other's perspectives and finding common ground.
Instead of Sue taking on the Victim role, she can adopt the Coach role to empower herself and her family. She can seek support from both her husband and daughter, collaborate with them on finding solutions, and reinforce a sense of teamwork and mutual understanding.
In this situation, the family are now fostering a healthier dynamic where each member takes responsibility for their thoughts and actions. They can support each other's growth, maintain healthy boundaries, and work together to resolve conflicts constructively.
Notice that if Ruth wasn't falling into a victim role in the first place, her mum wouldn't have necessarily made a rescue attempt and her dad would not have likely persecuted her. Often people will have a default position in a drama triangle. Whatever role you take, or switch to, in therapy, you can seek support and work to encourage taking responsibility for your actions, supporting others in finding solutions, and learn to challenge any limiting beliefs and behaviours. Consider where you are in your relationships with others and where you want to be.